dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
