the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
