The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
