He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
