that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Randomize
