Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
