Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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