If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
