you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
