you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
