you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
