i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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