rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
