I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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