I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
