oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
