They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The best revenge is premature balding
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
