You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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