Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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