Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
