i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
vagina is talking i cant
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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