remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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