this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
