And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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