You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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