Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
