FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
