He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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