Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
50% drunk capacity currently
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
