Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
