If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
