Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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