so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
