I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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