Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
