the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was confusing and full of hummus
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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