you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
