now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
