But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
