Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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