Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
