So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
try to milk me bitch
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