I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
