Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
