I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
