i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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