You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
