You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
