I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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