yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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